Treaded

i cry for answers

silently from the tops of mountains

snow-capped and untouched

the future – snow-capped and untouched

– feels as if it is being treaded upon

heavy boots printing patterns

across yet-to-be-defined paths

open and vast

stretches of something

far away

i cry for anything

but my cries are lost

in a vast something, which was

once snow-capped and untouched.

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An Invisible Path

there is no right future
or wrong past
or regrettable present

these paths we find ourselves on are translucent.
The molecules shifting in and out of physical realms
failing to maintain any kind of consistency we
can hold in our aching hands for
more than the fleeting moment it
takes to look over our shoulder, and
return our gaze to the front – only to find
the scenery has betrayed our memory.

I have decided not to look forward or
to dwell in my footsteps, but rather set my sights
inward where the path cannot dictate which direction
my life should take. Where there are no
shades of right or wrong or regrettable.
Only a moment.
Only me.
Something I can trust.

Proof

Dragging cold graphite across balmy skin

never leaving its mark, too light to be seen with any contrast

Oh how the fine point curls and crawls

as it struggles to make an indent

Applying pressure, looking for a kind of proof

that will carry on

Showing, without a shadow of a doubt —

something was there.

The After

Someday –

I will find you here, in the place where
you now stay and will remain forever.

The after, and the before.
the accessible and the invisible.
You appear to me
and I am reminded that you
are a figment of my heart
willing your presence to be
as tangible as you always were.

This is the after.
I’ve yet to become acquainted with it,
still feeling the vacancy
of the before.
The place I can never again visit.
I will not find you there
no matter how desperately I long to.

I would like to stay awhile in
the memory of you.
So that I might take with me
all we once were able to see
in that place.
You’re here now,
but I think I choose not to see you.

My heart breaks a thousand times
in just one moment spent
here – in the after.
You have moved on.
I am struggling to join you.
You have departed this world,
and yet it is me who feels like a ghost
unable to embrace
the reality
of a life that goes on
after you.